I suppose I must have known when I started writing this thing that I was due to go away on holiday almost immediately, but somehow I managed to push that fact to the back of my mind. I was so caught up in this blogging business that I didn't really think much about the imminent hiatus - at least, no further than "I can't keep my audience waiting for a fortnight...Audience? What audience?" What I didn't realise was how much I would miss it! It's a powerful drug is this. I've only been using for a little while but realise that I'm completely hooked. As soon as I powered up the computer this morning I felt a sudden rush. "All will be well and all will be well and all manner of things will be well." I don't think Julian of Norwich was actually talking about blogging but you get the picture...
Anyway, Mrs Voltarol and I have been away in foreign parts with our friends R and P, enjoying sea, sunshine, food and wine and hair-raising motoring experiences. Rest easy - this will not turn into 'What We Did on Our Holidays'. It does, however, give me fuel for a couple of rants -
RANT NUMBER ONE - Ryan Air
I shall never ever EVER travel with that lot again. I don't care how cheap it is - I will not be flim-flammed (priority boarding pass sir?), I will not be continually marketed at (BUY THIS ENERGY DRINK! BUY THIS CHEAP PHONE CARD! BUY THIS LOTTERY TICKET!) but most of all I will not be subjected to the total torture of a mindless, endless, beat box-boosted, cacophonically compressed, soullessly synthesised, totally banal rendition of "Chopsticks" - BOOTZ! BOOTZ! BOOTZ! BOOTZ! BOOTZ! BOOTZ! BOOTZ! BOOTZ! DIDDLE UM DINGDING, DIDDLE UM DINGDING, DIDDLE UMDING UMDING UM DINGDING...on and on for ever and ever, rotting your mind and eating your soul...AAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH!!!!!!
RANT NUMBER TWO - Sat Navs
Actually, as rants go, this one pales into insignificance when measured against the previous one. In fact - cancel 'Sat Navs' and replace it with a repeat of 'Ryan Air'. All 'Sat Nav's' requires is a slight 'tut' by comparison with the aforementioned unspeakable racket. Musician's Hell isn't a choice of banjo or accordion after all (see Accordion Crimes), it's eternity on a Ryan Air flight that hasn't yet left the ground. DIDDLE UM DINGDING "No! Nurse -quick! The screens..."
Well, that's got me up and running again. I feel better for that. Normal Service will be resumed on Monday.
STOP PRESS! I've just discovered that Maria Rita (see "Keeping it in the family") is appearing in London at The Barbican on Saturday June 28th. I've booked my tickets. If you want to book yours then follow this link. http://www.barbican.org.uk/music/event-detail.asp?ID=7626. See you there!
